Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
