We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
