I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
