She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
