Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
