I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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