i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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