i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
