So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
