We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
