I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
