please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
