fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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