Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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