You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Barsexuality is the new black.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
