it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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