fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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