If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
