So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
