We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
