Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
