Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
