the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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