i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
