i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
