The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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