Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
