I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
