The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
