I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
