Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
