i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
