i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
