Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think my moral compass just broke
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