i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
