Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
