I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
