Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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