my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
