I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
