I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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