I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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