So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
