you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
