And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
