How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
