I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
