Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
