I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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