she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
